I sit and I wait and I stare. Still wishing for a divine intervention to lift me from my chair.

I had a hard time deciding what lyrics to use this month. With a mass shooting earlier this month in Orlando, then a bombing today in Istanbul, it was hard not to go with a song of anger and hatred. I didn't want to fall into that trap, though, so I went with a different approach. This song is called "Saw Something" and it's by Dave Gahan, who is better known as the lead singer of Depeche Mode. The song in its entirety is about waiting for a past girlfriend to take him back, but I'm taking these lyrics and going a different direction with them.

How many of us have been guilty of this? Guilty of just sitting around, doing nothing useful, waiting for life to become...better. I know I have certainly been guilty of it in the past. I did it for about ten years, waiting for the life I wanted to arrive. I passed the time with video games, movies, and friends. While I certainly don't regret the time with friends, I wish I had done something more with my life.

In another way, I feel like most of the world is doing this. When we turn on the news, what do we hear? Death, hatred, destruction, war. It's almost entirely negatives, and now even our politicians are doing the same. It's all very depressing, and the longer this goes on, the more it seems society is just...waiting. We're waiting for the negativity to pass. We're waiting for the death and war to end.

We need to stop waiting. As a society, as a country (or multiple countries), we need to rise up and say, "Enough is enough! We want an end to the negativity and depression. We want our world to be a better place for our children and grandchildren!" Don't fall into the mental trap that one person can't change the world and then just give up. We can all make individual changes. For example, I am going to change the world by being more accepting and loving of those who are different than I am. Muslim or Christian, Republican or Democrat, European or American or Asian, black or white, gay or bi or straight. It doesn't matter what labels we assign to people or how they differ, I am going to accept them for who they are.

Divine intervention will never come if all we do is sit and wait and stare. It's time to make a difference.

Here's a link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWfiUSAuw8Q

Can you rise from the dirt? Can you love like you´ve never been hurt? If you´ve been hurt, can you still believe? Can you set your spirit free?

It's been a long 5 years, and a lot has happened to me personally. However, this blog is not to talk about my life, but to talk about music. Not surprisingly, I have discovered a lot of new music in the last 5 years, and today I would like to share one of those songs. The name of the artist is Eivor, and the song is called Undo Your Mind.

Like most music I listen to, the true meaning of this song is difficult to pinpoint and the best I can offer is my own interpretation. Despite the song having a slow pace and being in a minor key, I actually believe this song is full of hope for the future. The lines I chose for the title come late in the song, but they describe how I have always attempted to approach new relationships. While I'm the first to admit that I haven't always been successful (at times even failing horribly), it has always been my goal.

When a relationship fails, I feel like you're been dumped into the dirt. I feel like I have failed personally and belong there. Eventually, though, I need to pull myself up. Rise up from the dirt. Then comes a new relationship, and the difficult parts. Loving like I've never been hurt, when I have been hurt badly. More than once. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that the person I am with is different than those who have hurt me in the past. It's hard to believe in them and that things will be different. However, when I manage to do so, it really is like setting my spirit free.

I am seeking that again. Someone who can help me get up from the dirt, who can forgive me if I slip up and don't remember that they are not those from my past. Someone who will help me believe and can set my spirit free. I'm sure she's out there. I feel she's close. This thought gives me hope for the future.

Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKDbYonKAbw

Sometimes it hurts so much to lose the one you love

I'm going back to text as I don't trust myself to speak right now without breaking down crying. The song is called "Sometimes It Hurts" by Stabbing Westward.

Anyone who has known me to any degree over the last 11 years has also known my service dog, Icon. He is the friendliest, happiest, most forgiving soul anyone has ever had the honor of knowing. It didn't matter who you were, your views on dogs, or anything else. If you knew Icon, you loved him. Even people who were absolutely terrified of dogs loved him.

11 years ago, I was in California with my dad for a three week training course. 11 years ago today, I had just been teamed up with Icon, knowing we'd be team mates. What I didn't realize at that time is how smart he was. How funny he was. How loving he was. How amazingly stubborn he was.

Icon has more personality and more emotional depth to him than just about any human I've ever met. Despite being unable to say words, he never once let that stop him from communicating and telling me what he thought. His facial and body expressions were amazing. The different levels of wagging his tail, or even panting to "talk" since he wasn't allowed to bark without a direct command.

There are millions of stories I could tell about Icon. I think, this time, I'll share one I've told only a few people. While we were still in training, but after we were allowed to bring the dogs back to our rooms, my dad and I were playing with Icon. We had him jump up on to a bed and told him to roll over. Always eager to please, he rolled...right off of the bed and on to the floor. He jumped up and looked confused as to how he got there. We told him to jump on to the bed and roll over again. Again, he landed on the floor with some confusion. Finally, with the third attempt, my dad stood next to the bed so Icon couldn't roll off of the bed. As he rolled over into my dads legs, he finally understood what had happened before. This allowed him to figure out how to roll over without rolling off of the bed.

Tomorrow, 11 years and a day after we had been matched up, I will have to take Icon to the vet to be put to sleep. He has severe arthritis due to old age, and I know he is ready for the end to come. He has had a long, noble life. He has been loved and spoiled in more ways than I can even remember. It would be unfair to such a noble spirit to drag it out any longer. Unfair to wait until his body shuts down entirely and he dies of a heart attack, a stroke, or being unable to breathe. It has already been unfair to him to force him to retire. He loved his job. Going places with me, meeting new people, helping me with things I can not do myself. It defined who he was as much as any thing else did.

Icon has been my best friend, my confidante, my constant companion for 11 years. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. He has been so much more than just a dog. There are no words to explain what Icon is to me. And tomorrow...I lose him.

Goodbye, my noble friend. I will miss you, and losing you will hurt more than I can say.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYdP1a7dbA

My soul, my mind is held magnetically.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkeJjdfqMUo

One day love will find you; break those chains that bind you

I've been considering for a couple days what song to use next and this came to me in a moment of inspiration. The song is called "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by one of the musical juggernauts of the 80's, Journey. Like Depeche Mode, I was raised listening to these guys.

I know a lot of people are happy being single and are more than content going through their life in such a manner. For those, you will be totally unable to relate to this blog entry. I am the opposite. I have long sought after love, and the happiness of sharing my life with another. I've been wanting to get married since I was 18, though I know now I wasn't ready then. I believe I am ready now, though, so I seek. Being single has felt like being chained down to a life I do not want and never asked for.

I have been engaged once and in another serious relationship in the past. Both of these times, it finally felt like my life was on the right track. Obviously, they didn't last as I realized I was with the wrong person. It made me happy for a time, but it was not what I was seeking. When the relationships came to an end (or the knowledge arrived that they would end), it felt like I was shackled again.

I am in a relationship again now. I am very happy with this girl. Things feel differently, and I feel like maybe those chains are finally being broken instead of just temporarily broken.

I hope so.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoWGGGfTD2A

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again

Love Song is a classic song, originally done by The Cure, one of the great bands of the 80's. However, this version is by a Persian band called Niyaz. I don't normally like covers, but there's something oddly addicting about this one. And haunting.

I'll keep this entry short, as there's not a lot to say. This song has had me thinking about what it's like to spend time alone with someone you love. The amazing feelings that wash over both of you. Even if you're just sitting together and watching a movie, or playing a game, or simply talking. I miss a lot of things from being in a relationship, but spending alone time with a woman I love easily tops the list of things I miss. I hope to get it back soon.

Here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STznwQtZstI&NR=1

Sweetest infection of body and mind

I seem to return to Depeche Mode about every other post, don't I? This is why I love them so much. Their songs all touch me in different ways, and are very thought provoking. This song was written when the guys were all high and is actually talking about drugs. I choose to think of it in a different way, though. It is called Sweetest Perfection.

When a person falls in love, it can have a powerful effect on them. It can change their life, down to the way they think. It consumes them whole and, when it is a good love, raises them up to be better than they ever could have before.

Sadly, when it is a bad love the person who is caught up in the emotions can't see what it's doing. They feel happy and think things are great, but those around them can see their world falling apart and making unneeded and unhealthy sacrifices for a poisonous aspect in their life. I almost did this seven years ago and am so thankful I realized what was going on before I married a woman who would've made me miserable.

I have also experienced the good side of things. A woman who accepted me for who I was and wanted to raise me up. Unfortunately, this did not last. Their were complications and it fell apart. I miss it desperately, and hope I can one day find it again without the complications.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_14UyytkcM

Waiting...we're waiting for a superhero intervention.

So I have a new musical obsession, so I thought I'd write about it. The band is Johnny Hollow, and the song is Superhero. I don't know anything about the band.

Our society today seems to be getting lazier. You see joke "motivational posters" online all the time about why we're all so fat. Two examples that come to mind are escalators outside a gym, and a woman riding a scooter while pushing a stroller. We laugh at this because it's true...we've all seen people who are taking lazy to a new level. It's also pretty sad.

But it goes deeper than simple laziness. It's becoming entwined with selfishness, which is a far worse trait to have. Someone gets robbed on the street? Not our problem. Why should we care? That's what people think to themselves, right? Well, what if the person being robbed is us? Or a loved one? We start caring a lot more about people helping each other out.

It's something we should consider. Everyone being robbed is someone else's loved one. A daughter or son. A husband or wife. A mother or father. A sister or brother. An aunt or uncle. Someone loves them, and would be in hysterics if something happened to them.

So it's just a robbery, right? Not worth sticking your neck out for that. So what about people getting attacked? What about a woman getting raped? We don't help for the more serious crimes, either. "Not my problem, why should I get involved?"

So in our selfishness and laziness, it seems to me that society is doing exactly this very thing. We're waiting for our superhero. Our Superman, or Batman, or Spiderman. Someone to come along and fix all the problems with our society. But it doesn't work that way. There won't be any one to come along and put their life on the line day in and day out. We're all being selfish, remember? So what do we do?

We think about others. We help each other. I'm not saying we should try to become a superhero. I'm saying we should become thoughtful of others and their plights. If you're too afraid to get involved directly, call the police. In this day and age, everyone has a cell. If we all help, the people committing these crimes will be a lot more likely to get caught, which will bring crime down.

Quit waiting for a superhero to intervene and make everything right. Start helping your neighbors. A simple concept that our society seems to have forgotten.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjHR0oASSfU

So you're searching for an angel, someone who can make you whole.

Lost and lonely. These are powerful emotions that make people do things that are totally out of character for them. Your friends and family become concerned, but you feel like they can't comprehend what you're going through and feeling. When you reach out, it feels like everything and everyone is always just out of reach. Then something happens...someone finds you. Someone understands and helps. You connect, and you give your life over to this person. You think you've found love, and you can finally move on.

But what if the person you think is your savior isn't? What do you do when the one you've fallen in love with in poison to your system? Do you accept it, and slowly allow yourself to die, or do you live on in solitude?

What if you are dying either way?

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyLlVClG-hM

I never find out 'till I'm head over heels

What do you know, two posts in one month. I'm going to try and write here once a week or so. If someone sees that I've fallen behind, feel free to poke me.

Who doesn't know this line? Is there anyone? Bueller? Ok, in case you don't, it's from a song called Head Over Heels by the famous 80's band Tears for Fears, and both this line and song are obviously about love.

There are many different kids of love. The kind that gradually comes over you, the kind that comes and goes, the kind you feel for your family, the kind for your pets...or this one, the one that sneaks up on you. You're going along, minding your business...and then you look at this other person. The one you never considered in a romantic way before, and you realize you're in love with them.

It's quite the surprising yet wonderful feeling.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sZzCyJVb4o&feature=related