Sometimes it hurts so much to lose the one you love

I'm going back to text as I don't trust myself to speak right now without breaking down crying. The song is called "Sometimes It Hurts" by Stabbing Westward.

Anyone who has known me to any degree over the last 11 years has also known my service dog, Icon. He is the friendliest, happiest, most forgiving soul anyone has ever had the honor of knowing. It didn't matter who you were, your views on dogs, or anything else. If you knew Icon, you loved him. Even people who were absolutely terrified of dogs loved him.

11 years ago, I was in California with my dad for a three week training course. 11 years ago today, I had just been teamed up with Icon, knowing we'd be team mates. What I didn't realize at that time is how smart he was. How funny he was. How loving he was. How amazingly stubborn he was.

Icon has more personality and more emotional depth to him than just about any human I've ever met. Despite being unable to say words, he never once let that stop him from communicating and telling me what he thought. His facial and body expressions were amazing. The different levels of wagging his tail, or even panting to "talk" since he wasn't allowed to bark without a direct command.

There are millions of stories I could tell about Icon. I think, this time, I'll share one I've told only a few people. While we were still in training, but after we were allowed to bring the dogs back to our rooms, my dad and I were playing with Icon. We had him jump up on to a bed and told him to roll over. Always eager to please, he rolled...right off of the bed and on to the floor. He jumped up and looked confused as to how he got there. We told him to jump on to the bed and roll over again. Again, he landed on the floor with some confusion. Finally, with the third attempt, my dad stood next to the bed so Icon couldn't roll off of the bed. As he rolled over into my dads legs, he finally understood what had happened before. This allowed him to figure out how to roll over without rolling off of the bed.

Tomorrow, 11 years and a day after we had been matched up, I will have to take Icon to the vet to be put to sleep. He has severe arthritis due to old age, and I know he is ready for the end to come. He has had a long, noble life. He has been loved and spoiled in more ways than I can even remember. It would be unfair to such a noble spirit to drag it out any longer. Unfair to wait until his body shuts down entirely and he dies of a heart attack, a stroke, or being unable to breathe. It has already been unfair to him to force him to retire. He loved his job. Going places with me, meeting new people, helping me with things I can not do myself. It defined who he was as much as any thing else did.

Icon has been my best friend, my confidante, my constant companion for 11 years. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. He has been so much more than just a dog. There are no words to explain what Icon is to me. And tomorrow...I lose him.

Goodbye, my noble friend. I will miss you, and losing you will hurt more than I can say.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYdP1a7dbA