In 24 hours they'll be laying flowers on my life

Don't worry, I'm not actually dying. I'm perfectly healthy. These are just lyrics from the song 24 by Jem.

As you might expect from the title, this song is about someone who only has a day left to live and is trying to set things right for after they're gone. I've heard this song many, many times. It always makes me wonder what I would do in this situation. Would I try to mend broken bridges with people in my past? Would I want to spend my time with those I love? Maybe, on the other hand, I would go live a day of absolute crazy fun? After all, if you only have a day left, even if you're caught by the police, it's not like you could be punished.

In the end, I don't think I can answer this question unless (until?) I'm in this situation. Most people don't get to know exactly how long they have, so it's unlikely I'll know exactly which day is my last. Still, I think it's interesting to think about.

Here's the song (lyrics in the video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgxkxbxI7Q

I won't become the thing I hate. I won't become you.

I almost used this song in my last entree when I talked about the shooting at Pulse in Orlando, Florida. Alas, there has been another shooting, and I think it is finally time to use this song. It's called "The Thing I Hate" by Stabbing Westward.

As mentioned above, there was another shooting. This one was in Dallas, Texas. Due to how close it was to me, it hit me really hard, so it took me a week to gather my thoughts into a coherent message.

At a peaceful Black Lives Matter rally in downtown Dallas, a lone shooter, from an elevated location, opened fire on Dallas police. He shot intentionally at police, especially white police. He killed 5 cops and injured 7 more. 12 men and women who only wanted to help others. 12 men and women who, despite knowing the risks, put on that badge every day and risked their life for the betterment of those who can not or will not do the same. Almost half of them paid the ultimate price; those very lives they risked on a daily basis.

In the end, he got trapped by police. Even trapped, out gunned, and out numbered, he refused to give himself up, so the police put a bomb on a robot, drove the robot close enough, and detonated the bomb, killing the terrorist. Yes, just like the man who shot up the Pulse night club, and the man who shot up a theater in Aurora, Colorado, and the man who went into Sandy Hook Elementary, this man who shot 12 police was a terrorist. I feel no regret for his death.

What I do feel is anger, and this song is good at expressing the rage that I feel every time I think about this. I imagine it's the same rage he felt after the other shootings, by police, that occurred last week. It burns white hot, and I can understand how that rage might drive a man to perform evil deeds, wrongly thinking that not only are those deeds justified, but that they are the only path available to a person.

We all have things that make us furious. Events that make us see nothing but red. However, what we do with that rage is up to us. We always have options. We could take the path of self-righteous indignation and go on a shooting spree, justifying it as vengeance. That is a lie, though. There is no vengeance in killing innocent people. That is only murder. We could sit in our own little worlds, pretending nothing is wrong. Bury our heads in the proverbial sand and hope things will get better. They won't unless people step up to make things get better, though. Ignoring the problem is a cowards way out. Another option is to step forward, be a force for good, do what we can to make things better. For some, that might be joining the police force. After all, the Dallas Police Chief said they are always hiring and will happily take anyone who wants to make things better. For some, that might mean go on peaceful rallies, calling for change.

I can't do those things, so I do what I can. I can spread my thoughts. Put into words how I feel, try to talk people into seeing things in a better light. There is power in words, and that is where my personal power lies. So, I stand up, and I say, "I won't become the thing I hate. I won't become you."

Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZS6578SySs

I sit and I wait and I stare. Still wishing for a divine intervention to lift me from my chair.

I had a hard time deciding what lyrics to use this month. With a mass shooting earlier this month in Orlando, then a bombing today in Istanbul, it was hard not to go with a song of anger and hatred. I didn't want to fall into that trap, though, so I went with a different approach. This song is called "Saw Something" and it's by Dave Gahan, who is better known as the lead singer of Depeche Mode. The song in its entirety is about waiting for a past girlfriend to take him back, but I'm taking these lyrics and going a different direction with them.

How many of us have been guilty of this? Guilty of just sitting around, doing nothing useful, waiting for life to become...better. I know I have certainly been guilty of it in the past. I did it for about ten years, waiting for the life I wanted to arrive. I passed the time with video games, movies, and friends. While I certainly don't regret the time with friends, I wish I had done something more with my life.

In another way, I feel like most of the world is doing this. When we turn on the news, what do we hear? Death, hatred, destruction, war. It's almost entirely negatives, and now even our politicians are doing the same. It's all very depressing, and the longer this goes on, the more it seems society is just...waiting. We're waiting for the negativity to pass. We're waiting for the death and war to end.

We need to stop waiting. As a society, as a country (or multiple countries), we need to rise up and say, "Enough is enough! We want an end to the negativity and depression. We want our world to be a better place for our children and grandchildren!" Don't fall into the mental trap that one person can't change the world and then just give up. We can all make individual changes. For example, I am going to change the world by being more accepting and loving of those who are different than I am. Muslim or Christian, Republican or Democrat, European or American or Asian, black or white, gay or bi or straight. It doesn't matter what labels we assign to people or how they differ, I am going to accept them for who they are.

Divine intervention will never come if all we do is sit and wait and stare. It's time to make a difference.

Here's a link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWfiUSAuw8Q

Can you rise from the dirt? Can you love like you´ve never been hurt? If you´ve been hurt, can you still believe? Can you set your spirit free?

It's been a long 5 years, and a lot has happened to me personally. However, this blog is not to talk about my life, but to talk about music. Not surprisingly, I have discovered a lot of new music in the last 5 years, and today I would like to share one of those songs. The name of the artist is Eivor, and the song is called Undo Your Mind.

Like most music I listen to, the true meaning of this song is difficult to pinpoint and the best I can offer is my own interpretation. Despite the song having a slow pace and being in a minor key, I actually believe this song is full of hope for the future. The lines I chose for the title come late in the song, but they describe how I have always attempted to approach new relationships. While I'm the first to admit that I haven't always been successful (at times even failing horribly), it has always been my goal.

When a relationship fails, I feel like you're been dumped into the dirt. I feel like I have failed personally and belong there. Eventually, though, I need to pull myself up. Rise up from the dirt. Then comes a new relationship, and the difficult parts. Loving like I've never been hurt, when I have been hurt badly. More than once. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that the person I am with is different than those who have hurt me in the past. It's hard to believe in them and that things will be different. However, when I manage to do so, it really is like setting my spirit free.

I am seeking that again. Someone who can help me get up from the dirt, who can forgive me if I slip up and don't remember that they are not those from my past. Someone who will help me believe and can set my spirit free. I'm sure she's out there. I feel she's close. This thought gives me hope for the future.

Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKDbYonKAbw

Sometimes it hurts so much to lose the one you love

I'm going back to text as I don't trust myself to speak right now without breaking down crying. The song is called "Sometimes It Hurts" by Stabbing Westward.

Anyone who has known me to any degree over the last 11 years has also known my service dog, Icon. He is the friendliest, happiest, most forgiving soul anyone has ever had the honor of knowing. It didn't matter who you were, your views on dogs, or anything else. If you knew Icon, you loved him. Even people who were absolutely terrified of dogs loved him.

11 years ago, I was in California with my dad for a three week training course. 11 years ago today, I had just been teamed up with Icon, knowing we'd be team mates. What I didn't realize at that time is how smart he was. How funny he was. How loving he was. How amazingly stubborn he was.

Icon has more personality and more emotional depth to him than just about any human I've ever met. Despite being unable to say words, he never once let that stop him from communicating and telling me what he thought. His facial and body expressions were amazing. The different levels of wagging his tail, or even panting to "talk" since he wasn't allowed to bark without a direct command.

There are millions of stories I could tell about Icon. I think, this time, I'll share one I've told only a few people. While we were still in training, but after we were allowed to bring the dogs back to our rooms, my dad and I were playing with Icon. We had him jump up on to a bed and told him to roll over. Always eager to please, he rolled...right off of the bed and on to the floor. He jumped up and looked confused as to how he got there. We told him to jump on to the bed and roll over again. Again, he landed on the floor with some confusion. Finally, with the third attempt, my dad stood next to the bed so Icon couldn't roll off of the bed. As he rolled over into my dads legs, he finally understood what had happened before. This allowed him to figure out how to roll over without rolling off of the bed.

Tomorrow, 11 years and a day after we had been matched up, I will have to take Icon to the vet to be put to sleep. He has severe arthritis due to old age, and I know he is ready for the end to come. He has had a long, noble life. He has been loved and spoiled in more ways than I can even remember. It would be unfair to such a noble spirit to drag it out any longer. Unfair to wait until his body shuts down entirely and he dies of a heart attack, a stroke, or being unable to breathe. It has already been unfair to him to force him to retire. He loved his job. Going places with me, meeting new people, helping me with things I can not do myself. It defined who he was as much as any thing else did.

Icon has been my best friend, my confidante, my constant companion for 11 years. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. He has been so much more than just a dog. There are no words to explain what Icon is to me. And tomorrow...I lose him.

Goodbye, my noble friend. I will miss you, and losing you will hurt more than I can say.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYdP1a7dbA

My soul, my mind is held magnetically.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkeJjdfqMUo

One day love will find you; break those chains that bind you

I've been considering for a couple days what song to use next and this came to me in a moment of inspiration. The song is called "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by one of the musical juggernauts of the 80's, Journey. Like Depeche Mode, I was raised listening to these guys.

I know a lot of people are happy being single and are more than content going through their life in such a manner. For those, you will be totally unable to relate to this blog entry. I am the opposite. I have long sought after love, and the happiness of sharing my life with another. I've been wanting to get married since I was 18, though I know now I wasn't ready then. I believe I am ready now, though, so I seek. Being single has felt like being chained down to a life I do not want and never asked for.

I have been engaged once and in another serious relationship in the past. Both of these times, it finally felt like my life was on the right track. Obviously, they didn't last as I realized I was with the wrong person. It made me happy for a time, but it was not what I was seeking. When the relationships came to an end (or the knowledge arrived that they would end), it felt like I was shackled again.

I am in a relationship again now. I am very happy with this girl. Things feel differently, and I feel like maybe those chains are finally being broken instead of just temporarily broken.

I hope so.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoWGGGfTD2A

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again

Love Song is a classic song, originally done by The Cure, one of the great bands of the 80's. However, this version is by a Persian band called Niyaz. I don't normally like covers, but there's something oddly addicting about this one. And haunting.

I'll keep this entry short, as there's not a lot to say. This song has had me thinking about what it's like to spend time alone with someone you love. The amazing feelings that wash over both of you. Even if you're just sitting together and watching a movie, or playing a game, or simply talking. I miss a lot of things from being in a relationship, but spending alone time with a woman I love easily tops the list of things I miss. I hope to get it back soon.

Here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STznwQtZstI&NR=1

Sweetest infection of body and mind

I seem to return to Depeche Mode about every other post, don't I? This is why I love them so much. Their songs all touch me in different ways, and are very thought provoking. This song was written when the guys were all high and is actually talking about drugs. I choose to think of it in a different way, though. It is called Sweetest Perfection.

When a person falls in love, it can have a powerful effect on them. It can change their life, down to the way they think. It consumes them whole and, when it is a good love, raises them up to be better than they ever could have before.

Sadly, when it is a bad love the person who is caught up in the emotions can't see what it's doing. They feel happy and think things are great, but those around them can see their world falling apart and making unneeded and unhealthy sacrifices for a poisonous aspect in their life. I almost did this seven years ago and am so thankful I realized what was going on before I married a woman who would've made me miserable.

I have also experienced the good side of things. A woman who accepted me for who I was and wanted to raise me up. Unfortunately, this did not last. Their were complications and it fell apart. I miss it desperately, and hope I can one day find it again without the complications.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_14UyytkcM

Waiting...we're waiting for a superhero intervention.

So I have a new musical obsession, so I thought I'd write about it. The band is Johnny Hollow, and the song is Superhero. I don't know anything about the band.

Our society today seems to be getting lazier. You see joke "motivational posters" online all the time about why we're all so fat. Two examples that come to mind are escalators outside a gym, and a woman riding a scooter while pushing a stroller. We laugh at this because it's true...we've all seen people who are taking lazy to a new level. It's also pretty sad.

But it goes deeper than simple laziness. It's becoming entwined with selfishness, which is a far worse trait to have. Someone gets robbed on the street? Not our problem. Why should we care? That's what people think to themselves, right? Well, what if the person being robbed is us? Or a loved one? We start caring a lot more about people helping each other out.

It's something we should consider. Everyone being robbed is someone else's loved one. A daughter or son. A husband or wife. A mother or father. A sister or brother. An aunt or uncle. Someone loves them, and would be in hysterics if something happened to them.

So it's just a robbery, right? Not worth sticking your neck out for that. So what about people getting attacked? What about a woman getting raped? We don't help for the more serious crimes, either. "Not my problem, why should I get involved?"

So in our selfishness and laziness, it seems to me that society is doing exactly this very thing. We're waiting for our superhero. Our Superman, or Batman, or Spiderman. Someone to come along and fix all the problems with our society. But it doesn't work that way. There won't be any one to come along and put their life on the line day in and day out. We're all being selfish, remember? So what do we do?

We think about others. We help each other. I'm not saying we should try to become a superhero. I'm saying we should become thoughtful of others and their plights. If you're too afraid to get involved directly, call the police. In this day and age, everyone has a cell. If we all help, the people committing these crimes will be a lot more likely to get caught, which will bring crime down.

Quit waiting for a superhero to intervene and make everything right. Start helping your neighbors. A simple concept that our society seems to have forgotten.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjHR0oASSfU

So you're searching for an angel, someone who can make you whole.

Lost and lonely. These are powerful emotions that make people do things that are totally out of character for them. Your friends and family become concerned, but you feel like they can't comprehend what you're going through and feeling. When you reach out, it feels like everything and everyone is always just out of reach. Then something happens...someone finds you. Someone understands and helps. You connect, and you give your life over to this person. You think you've found love, and you can finally move on.

But what if the person you think is your savior isn't? What do you do when the one you've fallen in love with in poison to your system? Do you accept it, and slowly allow yourself to die, or do you live on in solitude?

What if you are dying either way?

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyLlVClG-hM

I never find out 'till I'm head over heels

What do you know, two posts in one month. I'm going to try and write here once a week or so. If someone sees that I've fallen behind, feel free to poke me.

Who doesn't know this line? Is there anyone? Bueller? Ok, in case you don't, it's from a song called Head Over Heels by the famous 80's band Tears for Fears, and both this line and song are obviously about love.

There are many different kids of love. The kind that gradually comes over you, the kind that comes and goes, the kind you feel for your family, the kind for your pets...or this one, the one that sneaks up on you. You're going along, minding your business...and then you look at this other person. The one you never considered in a romantic way before, and you realize you're in love with them.

It's quite the surprising yet wonderful feeling.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sZzCyJVb4o&feature=related

Who needs a lover when you've got a new best friend?

It's been a while, hasn't it? April 22nd to September 13th. Since this blog isn't about what is happening in my life, I'll skip all that and get back into my musical thoughts.

This song is "Kiss" by the Romanovs, and as far as I can tell, it's about finding a new love. All the passion and emotion that you feel when you fall for someone. When you go from hopeful for the future, to desperately missing the other person, to panic at the thought of losing them, to your emotions threatening to overwhelm you, back to the beginning. This song reflects all of those emotions and comes together in a very deep and profound way.

As for the quote itself, this is one of two ways a person will go when they get this way. They have a new best friend in the person they've fallen for so hard, and that's all that matters. I, however, like to see it as a warning as well.

So many people meet, hook up, and then the entire relationship is based off that initial lust. As time goes by and they get to really know each other, they often find out they're nothing alike with no common interests. The lust fades, and the relationship dissolves. Sometimes this doesn't happen until the couple have a kid, and then it's a whole new dimension of pain and hatred, dragging an innocent into the middle of all of it. This just breaks my heart.

I hear this line from a song that moves me so deeply, and it reminds me of how things should be handled when entering into a relationship. You meet a person, and you become friends. You get to know each other, find common interests, learn each others hopes for the future and dreams. You become best friends that confide in each other above all others, and then you build a romantic relationship off that. Those are the relationships that last, where you see an 80 year old couple still madly in love with each other.

This is what I want in my relationship.

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D8t3vbHpAU

Try walking in my shoes, you'll stumble in my foot steps.

Ok, taking a step away from religion again. This is a line from the song, "Walking In My Shoes" by Depeche Mode.

Have you ever felt everyone was judging you? No matter what you do, it feels like everyone is treating you like you're on trial for a heinous crime, and you have no idea what you supposedly did? These times happen to all of us, and can be frustrating beyond words. I feel that way for living in Utah and being single at 29. Brigham Young (an early LDS leader) once said, "If you're 25 and single, you're a menace to society." Sound absurd to you? Me, too. Yet my local culture takes that to heart, like it's some great law that we all must abide to or else we're evil, anarchic, Communists. It is one of the most frustrating things I have to deal with in my life.

Which leads me to the line I'm quoting today. People judge us automatically, without knowing what's going on in our lives. "Oh, he's single at 29." "Oh, those kids are such hellions." "Oh, she doesn't get home until 9 at night. She must be up to something." How about, before we judge people, we take into account other factors? Maybe there's a reason I'm single at 29. Maybe those kids aren't as bad as you think, or have a rough life at home or school. Maybe the only job she could find requires her to work until 9 and the family desperately needs the money. I really wonder how a lot of these judgmental people would handle living my life. Would it not bother them? Would they be incapable of being disabled? Would they feel sorry for themselves all the time and expect others to feel sorry for them? I will never know. But I do wish that people would use their heads and think for a minute before judging me. They may realize they're not being as good of people as they think.

Here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlzsAMu7WxA

And I, I could have died last night, but I heard the voice of a smaller God

Warning: The following post discusses religion and views that may not be popular. Please keep in mind that they are simply my own opinion. I do not want to argue religion, simply let others know what I think and feel.

This is a huge change of pace for me. I don't usually discuss my religious views and feelings in a more public setting like this. I feel it's time to post about it, though. The song that inspired me is called "Smaller God" and is by a band called Darling Violetta. Some people may know them as the band that composed the opening credits song to Angel.

I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (referred to later on as LDS), or Mormon. My parents made me go to church every Sunday, but I never liked it. In my youth, Sunday was the worst day of the week to me. When I was 14 or 15, I started questioning the church. There were a lot of things that didn't make sense to me, and felt wrong. When I turned 18, my parents told me I was an adult now and could make the choice for myself. In the 11 years since, I can count on my fingers how many times I've been to church. I asked to be removed from any church jobs. In that time, people in my neighborhood have tried many times to "bring me back" to the church, always unsuccessfully. One of the last times they tried, I told the people who visited that they were welcome to come visit me as a friend any time they wanted, but if their reason for visiting was to bring me back to the church, then they should quit wasting their time and mine.

However, that does not mean I am not religious now. I have simply found a different religion, one that speaks true to me. I am a Wiccan. That involves several things. Yes, some Wiccans practice magic, but I do not. I do believe it exists, though, and that it is done through the power of nature. Magic in itself is neither good or evil, but the intentions of the caster is what is to be judged. What else does it entail? Let me list off some things that are important to me.

1. In addition to a God, there is also a Goddess. The Lord and the Lady. She loves us as much as God does, and wants us to be happy. I choose to worship Her, though others worship God. Many Christians teach that you should give yourself over to Jesus, and he will take care of everything. That sounds nice, to not have any responsibility, but I don't think the Goddess wants us to do that. She does not want us to simply come to Her whenever we want something. We are to do everything in our own power to help ourselves, and go to Her when we have reached our limits. Only then will She help us.

2. The rule of three. Anything we do, good or bad, will be revisited upon us threefold. If you ruin someone's life for a time, your own life will be miserable for three times longer. If you hurt 5 people, you will be hurt by 15 people. If you help someone, then three others will be there to help you in your time of need. It works both ways, so be careful what you do.

3. Reincarnation. No, we will not come back as a cow if we lead a good life. We will always come back as humans. Dogs will come back as dogs. Our spirits continue to learn with each life, and when we find true love, it persists through death into our next life.

4. Sex is something to be enjoyed, not shunned. This doesn't mean you go out and have sex with anyone you may be physically attracted to. It is still meant to be shared between people who love each other. But if you love multiple people, there is nothing wrong with being with all of those you love. Sex is a beautiful thing, not some terrible thing we only do to procreate and keep behind locked doors. Also, waiting until marriage to have sex is unheard of.

5. No holy buildings. Everything is holy. Especially nature. What may be holy to one person may not be holy to someone else. We're not all the same. Why do you think there are so many different religions in the first place? Which leads me to my final point.

6. True for me does not mean true for you. I do not begrudge you your Catholic, Baptist, Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, or any other religious views. They work for you. That's great, and I'm happy that you have a religion you can believe in. However, that does not give you the right to force your views on to me. I'm not you, so your views may not work for me. I have found my own beliefs. Let's respect each other and our differences. Deal? Deal.

Now, as for the song I'm quoting. When I was growing up LDS, I felt like I was slowly dying. I would pray to God, and never receive an answer. I had been told that perhaps I just wasn't willing to accept the answer I got, but there were many times where I didn't care what the answer was. Yes, no, maybe. I just wanted *anything.* And I never got it. Then somewhere between 15 and 18, I picked up a book called The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. It was another retelling of the Arthurian legend, except always from the point of view of the women. It also had a lot of Wiccan beliefs in it. This book really touched me, in a way I had never felt before. I decided to try something new. I prayed to the Goddess...and I immediately felt at peace and felt loved in a way that a mother loves a child. I also received an answer to the question I asked. It was an amazing experience for me.

"And I, I could have died last night." My childhood, growing up in a belief that I didn't believe in. "But I heard the voice of a smaller God." Or in my case, a smaller religion and, the Goddess. I believe She had been calling out to me and I finally heard Her.

Here's a link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnT5OSuRNsg

This world can turn me down but I won't turn away; and I won't duck and run, cause I'm not built that way.

Sorry for my recent absence. Just wasn't much inspired to write the last few days. I am back, though, and time to brave the world of well known music. This line comes from the song "Duck & Run" by 3 Doors Down.

I've loved this song from the first time I ever heard it. It has always inspired me, no matter how many times I hear it. To stand your ground, and fight for what you believe in. Don't be intimidated by anyone, and don't sacrifice your beliefs for any reason. I wish more people were like this, but so many will back down and apologize at the first sign of a confrontation. Perhaps 3 Doors Down is trying to tell all of us something with this song? That more of us should fight for what we love and for our beliefs? I would like to think so.

I suppose this will be a shorter post, but I feel I got my point across.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUQTJUDDIs

All this running around, well it's getting me down. Just give me a pain that I'm used to.

Yes, I have returned to Depeche Mode. I warned you in an early post (my first?) that they are my favorite band, so you shouldn't be too shocked by this. This is the first line of the chorus to the song, "A Pain That I'm Used To." I had a great deal of difficulty deciding on one specific line from this song. There's so many great ones.

Have you ever dated anyone who had huge plans for the both of you and the future? They're always talking about how wonderful things will be in 6 months? A year? 5 years? You're not even sure if you'll be wanting to be with them in 5 days, let alone 5 years. I've dated someone like that, and their constant planning of my future made me very tired and depressed. I couldn't keep up with them and a new, different exciting plan every day. By the end of it, I wanted out. I wanted to go back to being single, even though I hated it so badly before the relationship. At least with being single, it was something I knew. Something I could deal with. I really understand how someone can want to go back to "a pain that I'm used to."

Here's a link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1mp5m_depeche-mode-a-pain-that-im-used-to_music

I'm so sick, infected with where I live. Let me live without this emptiness, selfishness...I'm so sick.

Flyleaf. They've become fairly popular ever since this song hit the radio, and people argue over them being Christian Metal or not. This song is called, "I'm So Sick."

Have you ever lived somewhere and wanted to move? You feel out of place where you're at? Feel like you're social stigma for any number of reasons? I often feel that way. Sure, I have friends and family around here who accept me for who I am, and I thank them for that. But outside of just a handful of people, I feel like I'm not really welcome in my part of the world. I want to get out of here and see what it's like in other parts of the world. Maybe I'll later realize it's not so bad here, and maybe I'll never want to return. I won't know until I get the opportunity to find out.

So perhaps this was more of a selfish entry in my blog. I try to have more of a point or commentary with this blog, but I suppose even I lapse from time to time.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw

Everywhere I go, I am spellbound. I will break this spell you put on me.

I think it's time for a different style. This song is called "Spellbound" and is by the amazingly talented Lacuna Coil. They come out of Italy and are the biggest influence on Evanescence.

This song could be considered to be talking about breaking off a bad relationship, but it has a deeper meaning than that. It's actually referring to our own society. I talked about this a little in my first post. We turn on our TV's, or our radios, or pick up the newspaper. We watch, listen, and read about what society wants us to watch, listen, and read about. Society controls what we know and therefore what we think. They have us spellbound.

People often ask me why I don't watch the news, or why I listen to obscure music rather than what is on the radio, or even like weird foreign films. This is why. I want to have my own thoughts. I want to watch, listen to, and read about things outside of what is socially acceptable. I don't want to be another sheep in the flock of society. Yes, this can often lead to me thinking and saying things that society looks down on. But I don't care, because the thoughts are my own, and not what have been planted in my head.

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l97nezRRsns

I'll never love someone quite the way that I loved you

Since I was previously talking about love, my mind turned to the concept of lost love. As soon as I started pondering this, I immediately knew it was time to introduce my readers to V.A.S.T. It's an acronym that stands for Video Audio Sensory Theatre. This song is called, "Touched." Some of you may have heard it before but not known the name of the song or band.

It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I'm sure we have all heard this quote before. It makes me wonder if whoever first said it had never loved before. I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced by this saying. I have loved and lost, and I can't think of a single more painful experience in my life. Yes, over time, the pain lessened and was dulled. However, I have resigned myself to having it be there for the rest of my life. Even when I fall in love again, there is always that loss. Nothing will replace the previous love, or be exactly like it. So, my conclusion...to have loved and lost is equally as painful as to have never loved at all. They are simply two different aspects of an emotion.

I don't want to be misunderstood, though. Yes, I have loved and lost. I do not regret it for a minute, though. If I could go back in time and change what happened, I wouldn't. Not one day, one hour, one minute, one second. Perhaps this is what is meant by that quote? I don't know, and do not consider myself enough of a scholar or philosopher to debate the subject.

Here's the link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3zqbh_vast-touched_music