And I, I could have died last night, but I heard the voice of a smaller God

Warning: The following post discusses religion and views that may not be popular. Please keep in mind that they are simply my own opinion. I do not want to argue religion, simply let others know what I think and feel.

This is a huge change of pace for me. I don't usually discuss my religious views and feelings in a more public setting like this. I feel it's time to post about it, though. The song that inspired me is called "Smaller God" and is by a band called Darling Violetta. Some people may know them as the band that composed the opening credits song to Angel.

I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (referred to later on as LDS), or Mormon. My parents made me go to church every Sunday, but I never liked it. In my youth, Sunday was the worst day of the week to me. When I was 14 or 15, I started questioning the church. There were a lot of things that didn't make sense to me, and felt wrong. When I turned 18, my parents told me I was an adult now and could make the choice for myself. In the 11 years since, I can count on my fingers how many times I've been to church. I asked to be removed from any church jobs. In that time, people in my neighborhood have tried many times to "bring me back" to the church, always unsuccessfully. One of the last times they tried, I told the people who visited that they were welcome to come visit me as a friend any time they wanted, but if their reason for visiting was to bring me back to the church, then they should quit wasting their time and mine.

However, that does not mean I am not religious now. I have simply found a different religion, one that speaks true to me. I am a Wiccan. That involves several things. Yes, some Wiccans practice magic, but I do not. I do believe it exists, though, and that it is done through the power of nature. Magic in itself is neither good or evil, but the intentions of the caster is what is to be judged. What else does it entail? Let me list off some things that are important to me.

1. In addition to a God, there is also a Goddess. The Lord and the Lady. She loves us as much as God does, and wants us to be happy. I choose to worship Her, though others worship God. Many Christians teach that you should give yourself over to Jesus, and he will take care of everything. That sounds nice, to not have any responsibility, but I don't think the Goddess wants us to do that. She does not want us to simply come to Her whenever we want something. We are to do everything in our own power to help ourselves, and go to Her when we have reached our limits. Only then will She help us.

2. The rule of three. Anything we do, good or bad, will be revisited upon us threefold. If you ruin someone's life for a time, your own life will be miserable for three times longer. If you hurt 5 people, you will be hurt by 15 people. If you help someone, then three others will be there to help you in your time of need. It works both ways, so be careful what you do.

3. Reincarnation. No, we will not come back as a cow if we lead a good life. We will always come back as humans. Dogs will come back as dogs. Our spirits continue to learn with each life, and when we find true love, it persists through death into our next life.

4. Sex is something to be enjoyed, not shunned. This doesn't mean you go out and have sex with anyone you may be physically attracted to. It is still meant to be shared between people who love each other. But if you love multiple people, there is nothing wrong with being with all of those you love. Sex is a beautiful thing, not some terrible thing we only do to procreate and keep behind locked doors. Also, waiting until marriage to have sex is unheard of.

5. No holy buildings. Everything is holy. Especially nature. What may be holy to one person may not be holy to someone else. We're not all the same. Why do you think there are so many different religions in the first place? Which leads me to my final point.

6. True for me does not mean true for you. I do not begrudge you your Catholic, Baptist, Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, or any other religious views. They work for you. That's great, and I'm happy that you have a religion you can believe in. However, that does not give you the right to force your views on to me. I'm not you, so your views may not work for me. I have found my own beliefs. Let's respect each other and our differences. Deal? Deal.

Now, as for the song I'm quoting. When I was growing up LDS, I felt like I was slowly dying. I would pray to God, and never receive an answer. I had been told that perhaps I just wasn't willing to accept the answer I got, but there were many times where I didn't care what the answer was. Yes, no, maybe. I just wanted *anything.* And I never got it. Then somewhere between 15 and 18, I picked up a book called The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. It was another retelling of the Arthurian legend, except always from the point of view of the women. It also had a lot of Wiccan beliefs in it. This book really touched me, in a way I had never felt before. I decided to try something new. I prayed to the Goddess...and I immediately felt at peace and felt loved in a way that a mother loves a child. I also received an answer to the question I asked. It was an amazing experience for me.

"And I, I could have died last night." My childhood, growing up in a belief that I didn't believe in. "But I heard the voice of a smaller God." Or in my case, a smaller religion and, the Goddess. I believe She had been calling out to me and I finally heard Her.

Here's a link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnT5OSuRNsg